You there! With the fluffy, dark eyelashes! Drop that mascara! It’s probably loaded with mercury and ready to give you some kind of neurological damage.
What’s more important, luscious eyelashes that make you look like a young Marilyn Monroe or a mercury-free body? And don’t you dare bring that health hazard to Minnesota – the state recently banned any mercury-laden cosmetics in the interest of public safety.
Hey! What in the name of General Tso’s chicken do you think you’re doing buying a toy made in China for the holidays? Have you not read a newspaper recently? Are you trying to kill little Jimmy with that Transformer?
Dozens of toys have been recalled because they contain lead, which the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention says is a well known health hazard. Everything from “The First Years 3-in-1 Flush and Sounds Potty Seats” to “Curious George Plush Dolls” have been recalled this year.
Oh, for the love of…you are not about to eat that double bacon cheeseburger are you? Didn’t you just have steak and eggs for breakfast and a Philly cheese steak for lunch? Did you not read the study that links a diet high in red and processed meats to every kind of cancer except fingernail cancer?
Apparently, the culprits – including all types of beef, pork and lamb, as well as bacon, sausage, lunch meats, cold cuts, ham and hot dogs – can cause your DNA to mutate and create cancer. DNA mutation is cool when it happens to the Incredible Hulk but less cool when it happens to you.
What’s that you say? You’re feeling fine, despite the fact your lashes are coated in mascara, you’ve been playing with toys slathered in lead and you just finished your second helping of baby back ribs?
Oh really? You think maybe I’ve been reading too many of the health studies and stories that flood the airwaves and the Internet and the papers? You think I may make myself sick worrying over getting sick?
What’s that? I should go to a Website like http://www.mediadoctor.org.au/, an Australian site that evaluates recent studies to determine their usefulness, or its American counterpart, http://www.healthnewsreview.org/?
Fine, fine. But did you read the study about how abdominal fat is a risk factor for heart disease? Hey, I’m just saying…those bacon cheeseburgers look like they’re going straight to your stomach.